Thursday, October 22, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I thought I would share some of the things I'm learning after my time of reflection (Yom Kippur). This year has been a tiresome one.
I have so many thoughts running through my head, God has been showing me so much. Trying to sort it all out facing truths can be hard at times.You know all this time I thought that if you didn't grow in a positive way you weren't growing. I know now that's not true it is possible to grow in a negative way as hard as it is to believe it can happen. I'm just now seeing it. When you learn something that will move you forward in a direction that is of God it often comes in leaps, like being hit by a train. You stand back and go WOW why didn't I see that sooner. Truth/growth can be like that it only happens when your ready for it only then POW it happens.
How unlike negative growth it's so subtle that you never notice it. You make adjustments, make excuses not realizing that this is only enabling the negative growth, That through anothers negative growth you yourself are growing in a negative way. You slowly have become someone you don't know, your lost, your someone you don't even really like anymore. So now the journey begins out of the pit of negative growth. I can already see that it will be painful in some ways, I know there will be some relief as well. I so look forward to getting to know the women I lost so long ago. I have missed that free spirited women who loved life in a way I've never seen before. But it took me a long time to lose her it will take awhile to find her again. I so want K to meet her. Wish me luck on my journey.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
With Sukkot now over it's so sad that I didn't get to celebrate it. Wate would have just made it so hard to enjoy. I wonder why Wate makes things so hard doesn't he see that he misses out on so much. I have come to see that anger robs you steals everything that is important and convinces you that if only everyone would stop making them mad and just do what you say they wouldn't be anger anymore. So this Sukkot was a sad one even if we didn't do anything. I always seem to have this sadness of pity for Wate since I know there may came a day when he sees what his anger has done and it will be to late or even sader that he'll see it and not care.
I really wanted to go camping this year but oh well. I hope next year I'll get to do something I want K to have some holidays. Even if I don't get to be with her on those days.